Too Funny

Mistaken Identity

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and make up.

As she was still in "mid-rant", delayed by the stop light, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, she was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christan Fish emblem on the trunk.

.....Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

A PASTOR’S LIFE

After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

During the last Sunday service that the visiting pastor was to spend at the church he served for some months, his hat was passed around for a goodwill, farewell offering.

When it returned to the pastor, it was empty. The pastor didn’t flinch. He raised the hat to heaven. "I thank you, Lord, that I got my hat back from this congregation."

Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this?!"
"I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I found myself trying it on," she explained. "It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, 'You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!'" "Well," the pastor replied, "You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, 'Get behind me, Satan!'" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said, 'It looks fabulous from back here, too!'"

A pastor places his order at the pet store: "I need at least 50 mice, 2000 ants and as many of those little silverfish you can get." The clerk replies, "We can probably do that, but it might take some time. Mind if I ask why you are placing such an unusual order?" The pastor replies, "I've accepted a call to another church and the congregation council told me to leave the parsonage the way I found it."